Report on early 21st century society by an anthropology student in the year 2121

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Privacy seems to have been banned shortly after the turn of the 21st century. It soon became obligatory for citizens to maintain an online account of their everyday lives. This was done through social media outlets; social networking sites, blogs, GPS locator updates. Failure to participate in this activity led to ostracisation from society.

The rise of social networking websites, such as Facebook and Twitter, has been well documented. These outlets were fully embraced by all streams of society as handheld mobile devices made uploading images and entering updates possible at any time of the day and at any location on earth.

The beginning of the end of privacy arrived with the election of Judd Starsky as the 45th President of the USA in 2016. He succeeded Barack Obama, who was famous for his use of Facebook to spread his campaign message, as well as being the first African-American president.

Starsky first came to prominence when he won The American Dream in 2013. This was a reality show, in which contestants could demonstrate their individual skills in order to win votes from the audience at home. Starsky’s non-threatening boyish good looks, combined with an athletic figure (later exposed as being steroid-fuelled) and a reasonable singing talent, established him as the firm favourite of the audience, comprised mainly of females aged mainly 15-30.

Starsky was catapulted into instant fame and wealth, and began to lose his ‘golden boy’ moniker as he developed an all-too-obvious dependancy on crack cocaine. However, his fame only increased when a ‘sex tape’ emerged of Starsky and his then current girlfriend, Shona Carter. Carter was a leading Hollywood actress, who was more famous for her beauty and string of boyfriends from the film and music industries than her acting abilities. The same week the tape emerged, Starsky was admitted to hospital after losing control of his custom-made Aston Martin sports car on Sunset Boulevard in Hollywood. Blood tests revealed he had ten different narcotic substances taken, as well as a large quantity of champagne.

In order to avoid a prison sentence, Starsky admitted himself into the Charlie Sheen Clean Machine detox centre, the favourite of the richest celebrities and children of investment tycoons at that time. His cold turkey recovery was broadcast live from his suite 24 hours a day. This allowed the world to watch as his hallucinogenic visions of Jesus Christ led him to become a born-again Christian, renouncing all alcohol and narcotic substances, including substances such as coffee and deodorant containing alcohol.

In 2015, Starsky married Marian Whitfield, the creator of the Trust cookie empire. Whitfield had discovered a recipe for cookies that were not only fat free but also reduced any adulturous thoughts in the cookies consumers. It was later discovered that regular consumers would die of either testicular or ovarian cancer within five years, but government officials kept this information hidden until after Starsky’s death in 2022.

Starsky and Whitfield became the moral leaders of Western society, and their combined fan base helped Starsky easily win the 2016 presidential election, standing as a candidate for the recently formed Oprah party.

However, Whitfield had also bought the Facebook company, and a vast amount of their fortune came from this enterprise. One of Starsky’s first bills to pass Congress was to make a Facebook page essential for every citizen as proof of identity. US citizens were legally obliged to update their status at least once a day. Two days without an update led to a warning, three days a fine and four days without an update led to a tazoring by the government Facebook enforcers. Foreigners without Facebook pages discovered on US soil were immediately deported.

US citizens were also obliged to update their status picture once a week, within certain guidelines. This image had to one be taken by the account holder of themselves posing in a sexually attractive manner, as external beauty also became a legal requirement. Conventionally unattractive people were rounded up on the streets and sentenced to extensive cosmetic surgery. The Beauty Bill had decreed that physically beautiful people were generally richer, therefore in order to avoid a second recession, it was the duty of all Americans to transform themselves into specimens of physical perfection.

A computer chip was invented in Silicone Valley in 2017 that allowed people to connect with their computers kinetically. This meant typing was no longer necessary and status updates could be renewed with every passing thought of an account holder. The TickerTape Headband soon followed, which presented an individual’s status update on a LCD screen on their forehead.

The Facebook law was soon seized upon by security forces across the world, as its potential for monitoring public unrest was soon recognised. China, intially suspicious of the internet, was quite pleased to allow its citizens to wear the TickerTape Headband and implement the Facebook law. This change in regulations dealing with the internet garnered China approval from numerous political leaders worldwide. China was also able to develop cheap generic headbands, which helped propel it into the position of the largest economy in the world, overtaking the US in 2018.

The TickerTape Headband was soon worn by almost two-thirds of the world’s population. If it was not required by law, as in the US, Europe and China, it was quickly adopted by the rising middle classes in countries like India, where larger numbers of people had a disposable income to spend on gadgets like this.

Judd Starsky died in 2022. He cut his leg while hiking in the Rocky Mountains. Due to his religious convictions, he refused to use disinfectant which contained alcohol. His wound became infected with the lethal FAD virus that was sweeping the American continent and he died in agonising pain three weeks later. By the time of his death, privacy had become a distant memory for the vast majority of mankind. Society did not regain the option of privacy until fossil fuels became exhausted and computers became obselete.

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